The Funhouse 1981

Starring: Elizabeth Berridge, Cooper Huckabee
Director: Tobe Hooper

Today's horrorific delight comes from the director of one of the scariest movies ever.

Four teenagers go to the carnival and make the questionable decision to spend the night in The Funhouse (what we would call the Ghost Train). After witnessing a murder they spend the night in fear for their lives as they are stalked by a murderer in a monster mask.

I liked the opening scene, nubile young Amy is getting into the shower whilst someone is creeping towards her in a clown mask. The shower curtain is whipped back and a large knife plunges down. The scene is an homage to both Hitchcock and Carpenter and to me it says "Ok now we've acknowledged those guys, let's get on with my movie"

Some people have criticised the film saying that nothing happens in the first half but I disagree. The two couples take their time exploring the carnival. It may be my own feelings about fairgrounds and carnivals but I found there was tension. From the subtly distasteful Barker to the too realistic freakshow I was uneasy.

The first time we see the shuffling figure in the Frankenstein's monster mask we know there is something 'nor right' about this guy. He later pays the carnival's aged fortune teller for a sad sexual encounter and keeps the mask on. Now we know. Whatever is under the mask, it can't be good.

I was torn at this stage,  I enjoy the anticipation but I'm also dying for him to take off the mask. When it does happen it's not disappointing.  I even gasped a little. Yes it's no cgi but by 1981 standards that was some impressive special effects make-up. It's fairly disturbing.

What was more disturbing to me though was the 'monster's' pitiful moans and whines (not dissimilar to Leatherface). There is something terrible about his subhuman cries which really gnaws at you. Given the cruelty of his existence it is hard not to have sympathy for the creature.  Clearly it was no coincidence that Hooper had him wear the mask of Dr Frankenstein's tragic creation.

For a typical slasher the murders are not spectacular and there is a disappointing absence of gore. I felt that the film was lacking a few short sharp shocks. But it's well put together and the acting is better than most 80s horrors. It didn't blow my mind but it's worth a look and I'm giving it 6/10.

Bloody Pom Poms (aka Cheerleader Camp) 1988

Starring: Betsy Russell
Director: John Quinn

I think the more commonly used title for this movie is Cheerleader Camp but I just love the visual that Bloody Pom Poms conjures up. And its so adorably cheesy!

A group of teens head to Camp Hurrah for the summer. They intend to hone their cheering skills and be named the number one cheer squad at camp. One of the girls, Alison is suffering severe teen angst and is plagued by nightmares. When kids start to go missing and murder is suspected Alison starts to wonder if she might be responsible.

First of all I loved the intro music. It reminded me of the songs I wrote on my Bontempi keyboard aged 8. Combine this with the Elm Street vibe and use of the phrase "trouser trout" in the first five minutes and I had high hopes for this movie.

There are quite a few attempts at comedy in the film. I really enjoyed the surreal scene with the mascots eating breakfast - not every movie can boast a 7 foot crocodile sticking a baguette up it's nose!

In terms of the plot though it is somewhat confusing. The timeline and characters actions are unclear. Why is Alison always wandering around on her own for example.

It's not a scary film but there is at least one nice death scene. There is also lots of boob action in this movie if you enjoy a little juvenile titillation. I also have to say that whilst I thought I had the killer pegged early on, there were enough quirks to make me think again before the end and I was quite satsfied with the final scene.

Overall I enjoyed the film a wee bit. There was enough which was funny or bad to keep me entertained but it certainly but I wouldn't recommend it to a friend.

My score would be 5/10

Interesting bit of trivia here - the lead actress Betsy Russell later appeared in Saw films 3-7!

Sleepaway camp 1983

Starring: Felissa Rose
Directed (and written) by: Robert Hiltzik

This movie is known to me as having one of the most scandalous endings in horror movie history - at least for its time. The premise is that a very shy girl named Angela goes to summer camp for the first time with her cousin.

Angela is a sweet faced thing who rarely speaks; probably on account of the traumatic loss of her family as a child. She gradually begins to open up at camp, despite the bullying and nasty attitudes she recieves from the camp bitches. Then in the tradition of slasher movies people begin to die.

So what did I think? Well for the first 10 minutes I laughed my ass off. Not because it's intentionally funny but because it's bad. An unfortunate accident on the water is dramatised by repeatedly screaming "A boat! A boat!! Oh GOD the BOAT!!!" then the camera cuts ineptly to a body bobbing face down in the water.

We are then swept 8 years into the future where the sole survivor of the accident (Angela) is being talked at by her peculiar aunt. There is no explanation for the aunt's odd behaviour or manner of speech and I still can't decide if she is supposed to be comical, but I actually think she is my favourite part of the movie.

The acting throughout is dreadful. Truly I have seen more compelling performances in a Year 7 production of Grease. I realise that stalker movies are not well known for character development but this film is inhabited by paper thin stereotypes who over react to everything without reason.

I was particularly disturbed by the portrayal of an obvious paedophile who leers over the teenage campers. His vile innuendos are met with laughter from his friends as though he made a slightly cheeky joke. Thankfully it is not long until he gets his just desserts. And it is unpleasant. The screams go on for an uncomfortably long time.

The story goes on as you might expect. Lovely Angela grows in confidence and even finds a little romance. Meanwhile campers begin to die in various ways. The film attempts to divert suspicion in different directions but it is so poorly done it tends to have the opposite effect.

Personally I didn't feel suspense or shock during the film and it was a struggle to sit through it. Whether it was the poor performances, the pacing or the terrible direction, I just didn't care what happened next.

The ending is pretty freaky I must admit. It leaves an image burned on the retinas. However, after the final scene had faded I felt unsatisfied. There was no conclusion just a "ta da!" and then curtain dropped.

Overall it is a bad bad movie with 10 seconds of awesome at the end. I wouldn't watch the film again under any circumstances. For the unique finale alone I give it 4/10.

The reason we're here

The mission here is to watch as many horror movies as I can and then post my comments about them.

I love horror films in all their various incarnations, but the problem is - so many movies, so little time! I wanted a way to push myself to see as many of these bloodsoaked offerings as possible and hopefully learn more about the diverse and prolific genre.

So I created a list of 'must see' movies (over 300 so far) gathered from top lists, recommendations and reviews. I intend to ultimately embark on a 365 films in 365 days mission but first I'm cutting my teeth by trawling the net for titles which take my fancy and scribbling down my first thoughts.

And this week it's 80s week.